Blog by: Lata Advani Viseu

“Ever since I was a kid in school
I messed around with all the rules
Apologized, then realized
I’m not different after all…
…I was only joking my dear
Looking for a way to hide my fear”
I was only Joking – Rod Stewart

Have you ever carried around guilt and shame for weeks and months and years only to realize that you wasted your life in fear, worrying that other people were judging you when they weren’t even thinking about you? They were playing their own guilt and shame tapes in their heads.

Look back at your life and think about all the missed opportunities which were spent worrying about something that was only in your head. People have their own worries and shame, so stop assuming that their world revolves around you.

When you were young and made mistakes, you weren’t the only one. Everyone has regrets or there are things they would have done differently if they knew then what they know now. You did what you did because perhaps you were trying to fit in, or were looking for love and acceptance, trying to please others and not thinking about consequences.

Maybe your parents were fighting their own demons and didn’t know how to show you love. Maybe they didn’t give you hugs and kisses or tell you they loved you because they never experienced it themselves and didn’t know how to demonstrate it to you. So you looked for love in all the wrong places.

As you grow older you realize that you cannot change your past but you can change your present so that your future is what you want it to be.

Here are some tips that I learnt, to let go of the past, the guilt the shame and regrets:

We all make mistakes: there is not a single person on this earth who hasn’t made a mistake or two. If you are human, you’ve made mistakes in your life. You are not the only one.

We learn from our mistakes: Sometimes we make the same mistake twice or maybe even a few more times before we learn from our mistakes. You will notice that the same lesson keeps appearing in your life until you’ve learnt the lesson.

What would you tell a friend who confides in you about their guilt or shame: I know I would tell them that they did what they did because they didn’t know any better then and that I understand and love them. If they truly care about you, they will not hold it against you or bring it up but love you even more because you trusted them.

Write it down: Write a letter to the person who you wronged or wronged you. If that’s not something you want to do, write it in your journal, ask for forgiveness and then let it go.

Stop judging yourself: when you think everyone is judging you or looking at you, it’s actually because you’re judging yourself. Accept yourself and your mistakes and strive to do better. You have the power to decide any moment to let go of the guilt or shame and forgive yourself.

See the positive in the negative: there’s always two ways of looking at things. It could be the lesson that you learnt from your mistake, teaching your kids so that they don’t make the same mistake, becoming a better person as you learn to love and forgive yourself.

Close your eyes: relax and go back to your childhood or that incident and tell your younger self that they no longer need to feel shame or guilt. You understand and know why they did what they did and you forgive them.

Another way to make peace with your guilt or shame is through a hypnosis session with a reputable hypnotist who can help you let go of the past so that you can live your best life.

If you have other tips, please share it in the comments section so that you can help others.

“The past has no power over the present moment.” ―Eckhart Tolle

“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.”—Oscar Wilde

“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” —Deepak Chopra

“To heal, we must first forgive… and sometimes the person we must forgive is ourselves.” – Mila Bron

www.mindvasana.com